Return of the Avid Bowler

Tonight is the first night since the return of the bowling season  πŸŽ³ that I have actually been able to make because of my ankle. Remember the “when I fell out my house and hurt my ankle” story??

I’m not bowling too badly. Better than last year I think. I started really good last season and then got worse, but I love it so it doesn’t really matter.

The thing about bowling is every ball you bowl is different. You may have technique but the game is unpredictable; it’s what makes it exciting.

I bowl in a league once a week on a Monday night. I bowl with a whole bunch of different people. Different backgrounds. Different ages, shapes and sizes. A few people have dropped out so it leaves me the youngest at 27 and oldest is around 80-something. 

I love bowling. I love the feeling when you get up to bowl. I love the sound the pins make when the ball crashes through them. Sometimes I close my eyes and just listen. The music is pretty good too!

Some people have a style of bowling. Some spin. Some twist. Some people literally throw the ball halfway done the lane and you think the wooden lane will split in two. Some people bowl like butter; I particularly admire these people. When the ball is bowled so damn smooth it’s like they are spreading melted butter on toast. I find it fascinating. Me?? I am what you call a straight bowler. My arm doesn’t turn and if I get the angle right I (usually) hit what pin I want. I don’t use boards or markers for aim; I bowl by feel. If I feel good I bowl good. If I feel crap or tired it certainly shows at the end of the night.

I am in no way a professional or even amateur bowler. My average used to be 77 and now it’s 87. Tonight I bowled a 92, 115, 94; over average so a good night. When I started I was bowling an average of 120/130. My highest was 147.

Like I said I do it because I enjoy it, it makes me happy and gets me out of the house once a week. The people are friendly and you can learn a lot from them; especially those who have bowled for over 50 years!

Do you bowl or do something that makes you feel the way I do? If so, I’d love to hear from you and your stories 😊

Please comment below or email me

Stay Awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Cross bowling on Lanes 1 & 2


Random Thought of the Day: Procrastination

Just a random thought (of many I had today) that decided to present itself into my “pretty” little head…procrastination. The thought actually came in my routine…umm…trip to the loo this morning…as you do (for all that say ‘eewww’ it’s all a la natural and I hope you do it too).

Anyways, this morning I was catching up on some reading before I got ready for work and I had this thought as my alarm for 7am went off on my phone. I thought why do I have all of these alarms everyday? Nine in the morning and four at night. The answers is purely proscrastination.

I am one of those semi organised people (mostly) who loves routine, processes and essentially getting from Point A to Point B in the most efficient and effective way possible. But there is a flaw in my logic (like any great logic), I have a tendency to procrastinate. Hence the excessive setting of alarms. Also the fact that I heard somewhere that highly intelligent people (not boasting but I would like to think higher than your average Jane) tend you zone out when their brain has been active for an extensive period of time, which would agree with me that I cannot usually think before or after work, just during work.

A second thought occurred to me shortly after the first thought (which was actually an answer, followed by the question this time); procrastination, that’s why we not only have alarms on our phones, we also have countdown timers. Ha ha genius I thought. Obviously I set a countdown timer for another 15 minutes so I could enjoy my beloved FanFiction a little longer.

Starting an finishing your day with something that puts a smile on your face, makes you feel good and relaxes you is always the best way. And that my friends is my short Random Thought of the day.

Stay Awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

OMG I just uploaded Chapter One!

This is just a very quick post…just because I am super excited and scared shitless at the same time!

Today…well just now I uploaded the first ever chapter of my FanFiction story!!! Can you tell how excited I am?

In the spirit of trying new things this year, not caring about what other people think and doing what makes me happy, I finally uploaded something I hold close to my heart.

As you know, I have only recently started writing and blogging and now I have evolved to writing FanFiction that I actually publish on the interwebs… I am trying to use writing, whether blogging or fanfiction-ing (it’s probably not a word, but who cares??), as a way to change my relationship with food (by writing and not eating when I’m “bored” or “emotional“), a way to deal with my anxiety and ultimately a way of making me feel something that has been absent for the past 15 years….HAPPY!

Right now you could say I certainly have front row seats to the Premier of my happiness, so stay posted. If I feel like this now, imagine where this could lead…OMG talk about exciting πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

If you happen to like FanFiction or more particularly Skins FanFiction, are interested and want to read, please let me know and I will send you the link πŸ™‚

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes


Something other than…food

So it’s been like a week since I last posted. Believe me I have been trying to come up with something to write…but I have to be in the right mood to blog, otherwise it all comes out like some regurgitated piece of shh..sheppard’s pie.

I don’t just want to write anything and everything on here. I’m not one of those people who just status updates every 5 minutes, with whatever comes into my mind that very second. I think about what I write; it’s important to me.

So when I finally I got over myself and I felt the desire to write, here I am.

Okay, so what’s with the title?? Well, not that I’ve said a lot about it on here, if anything really (maybe I have…not sure??), but I have anxiety and issues with losing weight. I have battled the weight demon for years and after ditching some horrid medication and getting my health back on track, I think I am finally heading in the right direction.

When you have been through what I have, and experienced the unsuspecting side effects of drugs (prescription that is), it’s hard to change your mindset about things, in my case…food…especially food.

You see I had an extreme reaction to taking the contraceptive pill for 12 years; I have put on somewhere within the vicinity of 30-40kgs since my teens. Having only discovered this fact in the last 12 months, I have ditched the medications, changed other medications to avoid stacking on or impeding my weight loss once and for all.

I guess that hard part was, and still is to some degree, changing my relationship with food and ultimately how it makes me feel. A combination of side effects, anxiety, hormonal and emotional issues have contributed to my significant weight gain over the years. It isn’t just any one thing. The medication started the weight gain, and fueled it for years to come.

I was always hungry, never full; that was the medication.

I kept eating and eating and eating to try and fill the void I felt; that was hormones and emotions.

I kept hating myself for not being able to stop; that was the anxiety

These set of circumstances just fueled my anger, my hate and my low self-image of myself.

Its been about a year since I have ditched the pill and about 4 months since I changed my anxiety medication to try and combat some of the feelings I had and the potential to gain/ not lose weight. I’m not going to be on medication forever, I hope to be able to do this on my own one day, but for the time being I need a little bit of help to get there. I am not ashamed of taking medication to help me deal with my anxiety, but I am going to monitor myself so I don’t fall back into that black hole…it’s a scary place there.

Okay so food…changing my meds and getting my health back on track, I had finally started to lose weight (not much only a few kilos) and size (something is better than nothing). But the big change was how food made me “feel”. I’m not as hungry anymore, I don’t mindless eat as much anymore, I am trying to change my relationship with food.

It’s not that easy to change your mindset of something. The way you think has been ground into you your entire life; you can’t just flip a switch and say “I am going to stop doing that and do this instead”. Well some people can, but me? Meh, not so much.

Anyway, I have been going to a counselor/life-coach again to try and help me deal with some underlying issues that have inhibited me from moving forward and getting myself back on track. I go every 3 or 4 weeks for an hour and end up leaving much lighter…emotionally. The sessions do help with the main idea of change the way you think to change the way you feel to change the way you act (its actually a triangle diagram so the notion can go either way really)

So what have I been doing? I have been finding other things, not food related to do. Don’t get me wrong, I will so till continue follow my passion of cooking, but for now its on the back burner until I can learn to deal with stuff.

Food and food thoughts, have been replaced with…reading and writing (and a bit of music). Sounds simple enough. I have rediscovered my love of reading and believe me its hard to read and eat at the same time…have you ever tried it? Munching away, the page moves and you end up reading the same line like 9 times, before you realise you need to just chew your food and come back to the book later. I can escape with a book (or fanfiction) and enjoy living inside my head, where food can’t hurt me. And writing…obviously blogging has helped considerably, not that I have been doing it for long, but what do they always say? Quality not quantity?

Along the blogging route, I mentioned a few weeks ago that maybe one day I’ll write some of my own fanfiction…well you know what…I have πŸ™‚ That is another reason why I have been AWOL in the last week. I have been totally engrossed with dumping my thoughts on paper (electronic paper that is, long gone are the days were we have to “write” on paper) and starting to write my first fanfic story. I’m up to like 14,400 words (4 chapters) so far and I feel absolutely amazing. Its like I am using a part of my brain that hasn’t been used since I was at university and even before that, when I was in high school. My creative brain

I have always been somewhat creative…I think so anyway…but it was always visual and via my imagination. I always had trouble saying, writing and drawing how I feel, but let me picture it in my head and it felt awesome. Now think of how it must feel to be able to express that “on paper”, its amazing. The euphoric rush I get from writing something that has been dancing around in my head for ages is a totally freakin amazing feeling.

For someone who hasn’t been truely happy for like 15 years, that is saying something. I am well on my way to curing my unhappiness and with that it could lead to losing weight and keeping it off for good (here’s hoping).

On a side note, I have started exercising again. I can’t do it everyday, because my ankle is still healing and my arthritis can be a bitch, but I am trying to do every second day (this week I done two 1hr is sessions). I feel so much better, and now I just have to keep going forward, one foot in front of the other.

Thanks for listening guys, I’ll try and not take too long between posts

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes







Liebster Award


β€œThe Liebster award is a chance to get to know fellow bloggers! I’ve been asked the following questions and then it will be my turn to nominate others and ask them some questions of my own.”

This is my first award on WordPress! I am excited would be an understatement…I’m ecstatic! I’d like to thank *clears throat into microphone* I am 1 in 10 for kindly nominating me for this award. When I started this blog it was originally set to private and I am glad I convinced myself to go public. Its people like the lovely  I am 1 in 10 who make me want to write publicly and (to my surprise) on a global scale. It’s amazing to think that I am here my little rural/coastal town on the east coast of Australia writing for me and that my posts are being read all around the world. I love following posts from people in similar stages of life/health with similar interests/hobbies all over the world.

I may not have many followers (yet…here’s hoping) but those of you who have been kind enough to follow, like, comment and support me in this new world of blogging, I will be forever grateful. The writing community here has helped me be more confident in my writing and within myself. I have always wanted to write but was always scared of what people would think, which I why I chose to stay anonymous on here. I have gained confidence here that I am pretty sure shows in my day to day life. I have struggled with health issues and being overweight since my teens and it finally feels like I am getting somewhere and I owe alot of that to the WordPress community.

I hope to continue to write about my life, topics near and dear to me and maybe even one day some fiction…so stay tuned and find out!

So in accepting the Liebster award, I have to answer a few questions from my fellow blogger  I am 1 in 10 , so here we go…!

1. When you created you blog, did you have a vision or inspiration on the direction your wanted your blog to go?

I had been wanting to write for years before I finally got the guts to actually do it. I had always wanted to write about life, well my life to be more specific. I wanted to be able to express what I was feeling without feeling judged by people who know me. I wanted to indulge in my creative side that I hadn’t seen since I was young. I had envisioned writing about the day-to-day struggle of a twenty-something lass and what my life had to offer anyone who actually took the time to read it. Although sometimes I can be vague in my posts, I feel that I am actually revealing more by not using names of people, places and specifics as such. I think because I am writing not only from the heart, but my head. I hope to continue writing about my life, my battle with weight loss and anxiety but also some fun topics like movies and tv series and maybe even one day some fiction…but we will see.

2. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?

I think I would pack a bag, get in my car and drive to a random destination. Or even more adventurous, get on a plane and spontaneously pick a destination and just explore. I am the type of person who plans (and thinks) way too much. So just to let go and do something unexpected without fear would be amazingly liberating

3.What’s your greatest achievement to date?

Now this is a hard one…it is probably graduating university. In 2010, I graduated university with a Bachelor of Business (Management) with a minor in Logistics and Operations. I had to pick the most broad subject there is, that can essentially point you in any direction in the business world. I used to see this negatively, like in a way that I gave myself too many options and that I didn’t know where I wanted to go and what I wanted to be. When I think back, I actually think it suited me down to a tee and allowed me to understand just how much what I studied is relevant to my life, how I think and react in certain situations. With a background in Business I have ventured into different industries (customer service, retail, banking, transport and logistics and most recently, security) and am starting to get closer to my niche. I have slowly started to climb up the ranks with each new industry and each new job. I hope one day to own my own business, but just have not figured out what that is yet…but I will…one day

4. Do you need to see things before you believe them?

Not necessarily. Literally… yes I do, because I am as blind as a bat and can only see a foot in front of me without my glasses, but figuratively not so much. I have a wild imagination and believe it is the key to keeping you sane in today’s crazy world. There is nothing wrong in believing in the impossible, the impracticable, the magical and the wonderful. I wouldn’t say I am religious but to some extent you do have to have a little faith. For all we know Santa, unicorns and aliens could really exist. The possibilities are endless when it comes to your imagination and there is absolutely….NOTHING…wrong with that!

5. Do you have any questions you are scared to ask yourself?

I suppose a few come to mind…Why do you do this to yourself, why can’t you put on a brave face and pretend to be okay once in a while and why do you know deep down you can do this, but f@#k it up EVERY TIME… They are questions I have trying to work on and inevitably give myself answers and resolutions to, but for the moment its work-in-progress.

6.  If you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say in 30 seconds?

Stop…look around…see the world for what it really is…a bunch of people, animals, plants and “things” living in one place. Stop giving into greed and hate, learn to live, laugh and love. We are not only destroying others, we are destroying the world we live in and ultimately ourselves. If you do have to fight, do it for a BLOODY good reason, not just because. We only have one life and make the most of it. You cannot fail if you try and try again

7. When did you last push the boundaries of your comfort zone?

I suppose when I took this job just over a year ago. Back then I knew I would be officially managing people (men) who could be the same age if not older in an industry I knew nothing about. I took a lower salary to get out of my stressful job at the time. I took a big risk going into the unknown and in a way I guess I still am…taking the risk that is. Every day I am a little less out of my comfort zone. I learn a little more, I become a little more confident in telling people what to do and dealing with that horrible word…c.o.n.f.r.o.n.t.a.t.i.on.

So now I get to pass this on….and the Liebster Award nominees are:

Nick’s Notions

Life and Other Disasters

Young & Twenty

Hideaway Girl

If Mermaids Wore Suspenders

Life…At Any Size

Now here are my questions for the nominees…

  1. What is the most “you” thing about you?
  2. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
  3. What is the best piece of advice you would give your teenaged/adult self?
  4. What would you do to “Pay it Forward”?
  5. Do you think you could survive the apocalypse?
  6. Coke or Pepsi?
  7. You ultimate night in would be?
  8. What do you feel you are missing in your life?
  9. Is there are certain smell or taste that brings back memories?
  10. What would you most like to blog about, but haven’t got around to yet?

If you accept this award, answer my questions, tag some fellow bloggers you enjoy following and submit some questions of your own.

Thank you for all your support and reading my blog

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Spontaneous Saturdays

To be fair, I have to start my Saturday story with a Friday story, otherwise it’s not really anything to go by.

My weekend started about 5:30pm (ish), when I finished work and made my way home. I came through the back door and was greeted by a pair of cute little brown eyes and a lovely golden coat….my fur baby. I gave my dog a cuddle and let her outside for some “yard time” (gee that makes me sound like she lives in a prison!).  When I saw the state my house was in at the end of the week, I was actually quite impressed that my fiancΓ© and I had managed to keep the house fairly tidy throughout our busy week. Believe my when I say that I have spent years trying to instill some domesticated wisdom into my future husband so I didn’t have to spend my whole Saturday cleaning the house, along with other routine domestic duties. Don’t get me wrong, I actually do like cleaning (as stupid as it sounds). It’s like part of my weekly routine. It helps me wind down at the end of the week, forget about my worries and ultimately I think it helps me deal with my anxiety.

Anyway, I managed to clean the whole house (minus the washing, but thankfully there was only three loads) before 9pm, which was amazing and considering I also spent like 45 minutes on the phone to an old friend from High School, I hadn’t seen since I was 19 and had hardly spoken to over the years. More so because of the fact that we were both busy and lived a fair distance away from each other, but still we picked up where we left off as easily and had a great chat about her moving back in about 6 weeks! Besides the call and the cleaning, my weekend forcast was clear and sunny with a chance of relaxation.

I ended up reading my beloved FanFiction until about 2:30am, which wasn’t the best way to start a weekend , given the fact I was extremely tired when I finally woke and couldn’t actually get a sleep in like I’d hoped. I managed to drag myself out of bed and showered before 9am. I always said to myself, “if you haven’t started your day by 9am, you have wasted half the day, whether it’s the weekend or not”. After I had breakfast, did some paperwork, banking and paid a few bills online, I decided to make a list and head into town.

My trip into town was relaxing, well as much as it can be on a Saturday morning with all of the weekend drivers out and about. I swear my road rage increases on a weekend. Just because people can be “leisurely” on a weekend doesn’t mean they want to spend their weekend in traffic or being behind a REALLY slow and uncoordinated driver. I sung along to my music and within about 25min I had arrived at my first destination, Bunnings (a hardware warehouse). I looked at my list and challenged myself to be in and out within 10 minutes. I was a girl on a mission  and wanted to make the most of my weekend, without wasting unneccasy time in a hardware store. I’m pretty sure I stuck to my mission and managed to get some things to fix the fly screen on my windows, some ear plugs (for reading until the cool ones I bought from the UK arrive) and an extension cord/cable clips for our new air conditioner in the lounge room. Okay so it’s not “new” but it works and will make do until we actually by a place of our own. Next stop Big W (department store).

This mission was even quicker I think, okay well maybe the same (10 minutes). I went in and bought another pair of cordless hair clippers because my other half got the shits with our corded pair and threw them in the bin, when I’m pretty sure they got caught in his beard. He does have a beard trimmer but he lets it grow wild and the complains when it gets hard to trim and takes longer to maintain, but that is men for you, isn’t it? I did see this like beard trimming bib you suction to your mirror so it catches all of the hair, on the internet the other week and am seriously contemplating buying him one…it will save my white vanity becoming littered with beard trimmings and a clogged drain. A quick stop at the chemist to pick up a prescription and I was back at the car for what I thought was the last part of my journey.

I was on my way to the other major shopping centre in town to get a massage when my phone rang. I answered the call on my car Bluetooth (it’s so handy, no pun intended) and it was my mother. She wanted to catch up for lunch after my massage, but it’s never just lunch with my mum…it nearly always includes…shopping. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate shopping, I am female after all, but I don’t usually look at shops for no reason. I go in with a purpose of buying something that I really need or just because I feel like it, but it’s usually a planned trip.  The more efficient and cost effective the better, but when it comes to my mother we could be in there for days! Anyway we had planned to meet after my massage. 

I got to this little Chinese Massage parlour in the middle of the shopping centre. It’s brilliant and not too badly priced either. I selected the Whole Body (without feet) package, as my ankle is still swollen, tender and strapped up for support. Although I spent most of the massage experience eliciting as many facial cringes and expressions as I could without producing verbal sounds or pain and discomfort, I actually felt much better afterwards. You see Chinese massage is very…how do I put this…aggressive?? They seriously know what they are doing but although you feel fantistic (sorry inside joke) afterwards there is certainly an amount of pain that you have to endure to get that end result. Did I tell you I have bruises today?  It took me like half an hour to fully wake up after that massage. I had to mentally slap myself numerous times to get a grip on myself otherwise people in the shopping centre would have thought I was mad if I was actually slapping myself.

I met my Mum for lunch at a coffee shop, we had corn and zucchini fritters with rocket and relish and shared a bowl of chips. I had a strawberry thickshake on soy (milk protein intolerance, long story) and I think Mum had a pot of tea. We talked bout the normal mother daughter stuff and as usual I interjected in parts to change the subject. My relationship with my mother is touchy to say the least. I love her to bits but she can be a bit overwhelming at times (okay most of the time) and she pushes my buttons without realising and wonders why I get snappy. I don’t think she realises that we are very similar and that the reason why we clash. 

After lunch she dragged me to a few clothes shops, with me literally trailing behind as I couldn’t keep up with my foot. She kept asking me why I was so slow until I gave her a look that said everything and she apologised and looked at my ankle. I ended up buying three nice tops and we went and had a look at a jeweller (where I bought a new silver ear cuff for only $5) and in one of those costume jewellery shops (where Mum bought me a long gold pineapple necklace). Two things here you need to know about me, one, I love ear cuffs, but cannot get my helix pierced, because of the shape of my ears (I look like an elf out of Lord of the Rings, the nice elf ears, well I hope) and two, I am utterly obsessed with random pineapple-related things (lamps, jewellery, mousepads, lip balm, Tim Tams and generally anything pineapple flavoured). Pineapples make me happy. They are bright and sweet and are the international symbol of hospitality. There is also a quote I love that is pineapple themed, “be a pineapple, stand tall, rough on the outside, sweet on the inside and wears a crown”.

Okay so enough with the pineapples, and the shopping. I thanked Mum for the lovely afternoon and said our goodbyes. I was halfway home when I realised that Mum had distracted me so much (despite the fact I told her I had go go before I left town) I’d almost forgot that I needed to get a few groceries before heading home. Luckily there is a Supermarket down the road from my house and I managed to get there before they closed. I finally got home about 4:30pm, where I packed away the days’ buys and settled down with a book (okay I lied, it was FanFiction, can’t help it’s addictive) while I waited for hubby (to be) to be to get home from work (he has been so busy running his landscaping/gardening business that he has had to work most weekends of late). When he had arrived we decided to order Thai for dinner. Vegetable spring rolls with plum sauce (even though the sauce was clear) for entree, Chicken Pad Thai (with no tofu/shrimp) for me and Beef Hokkein Noodles for him. After dinner we hung out (by this I mean he slept on the couch and I read) in the air conditioned lounge room for a bit, then realised I was pretty tired and I went to bed.

After a shocking night’s sleep, I woke up at 9am, read, had breakfast before writing this post. It’s now nearly 2pm and I’m still in my pyjamas so, I’d better stop procrastinating and go have a shower and get dressed. As much as I’d love to continue writing, my iPad is extremely slow and lagging as I type so it’s taken me almost two and a half hours to write this post. Talk about being annoyed with technology. Anyway enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Everybody has secrets…

I guess that sounds like a bad thing then? It’s not always the case. Secrets and lying are two very different things. A secret is something about yourself you don’t tell anyone, you have never had to lie about something that no one knows. A lie is an excuse about something you don’t want other people to know but you have been backed into a corner, practically forcing you to tell the truth or worse, feel the need to hide from it.

Here I am, 10:39PM, dealing with one of my secrets. It’s not bad, I’m not lying to anyone. I am just doing what I think is best for myself at the time. I don’t believe anyone can truely know you, like really know you. Like everything about you, know you. And you know what? That is okay. Sometimes the only person you can confide in is you. Sometimes the only truth you hide is the one you can’t bare to speak to anyone but yourself.

Everybody and I mean everybody has something to hide, but that doesn’t mean it’s all bad. Sometimes it’s our secrets that allow us to be who we really are. These secrets can make or break you. These secrets can make you scared or confident. They can make you happy or sad. 

Only you can decide if it’s worth confiding in someone. But it’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s all up to you really. For instance there is only one person I know who knows/reads (maybe read just once) this blog, because it’s a secret. I mean my fiancΓ© knows  writing a blog, but he doesn’t know where to find it or what it’s about. To be honest he hates it. He thinks I’m spilling details of my relationship to the world, but I’m not.

This blog is a secret because it helps me deal with my anxiety. It helps me be more confident and helps me grow in ways I never thought were possible. The biggest thing it does, is lets me be, well…me. If people don’t know you, I mean really know you, they can’t judge you in a way that makes you feel ashamed or unappreciated. You can shrug off a person judging your character when you don’t know them and they don’t know you. You can also learn from them, learn from others. The more positive side of things.

We all have secrets and some are worth keeping. Worth keeping just for you.

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

OMG 10 followers

I know I shouldn’t be WordPressing at work but IT is fixing my computer and I thought I’d take a mini break while that’s happing.

OMG 10 followers. Thank you everyone. I know it may not seem like a big deal but to me it is. When I started this blog it was set as private and no one was ever meant to see it. I’m glad I changed my mind and made it public.

Everyone in this little blogging community is so nice and supportive and surprisingly I seem to have a lot in common with you all

Thanks again. I hope to blog later today but I just had to post this proud moment for me

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰
The Girl in the Green Shoes 

Why, why, why am I doing this to myself…

…because it makes me happy. Because it makes me feel something real. Because once you get that feeling (Thanks Justin Timberlake!) it becomes addictive and you will do what you can just to keep on feeling it. So what on earth am I talking about? 

Sleep deprivation of course! I have been so stuck on reading at night that before I know it is 11:30pm and then wake up, at what feels like only an hour later. Here I am eating my breakfast with a large glass of Berroca (2 tablets for good measure) just so I can get through the day without falling asleep at the keyboard or re-rolling my ankle.

I hope to get through this day as fast as possible so I can come home and have a nap before dinner. I have made a promise to myself (so we will see how that goes) to stop reading when my bedtime alarm goes off at 9:30pm. Yes I am one of those people with multiple alarms throughout the morning and night. If I didn’t I would end up being in a state of constant proscrastination.

I am even procrastinating now…blogging instead of finishing my breakfast and the Berroca and heading for the shower so I’m not late for work. All because of this feeling I get when I do something I enjoy, love even…read.

Well I’d seriously better get my ass into gear and go get ready for work. Gotta blaze Greenies (what do you think of my new follower name?? If you think it’s crap please suggest a better one in the comments πŸ™‚

Stay awesome 

The Girl in the Green Shoes πŸ˜‰

How Fanfiction helped with my anxiety

Yes, as silly as it sounds it’s true.

I have only just started reading Fanfiction this year and I think it is amazing. There are so many talented writers out there, telling amazing stories with the characters and themes we all love. So how did this help with my anxiety you ask? Well it all started at the turning of the new year.

For some unexplained reason, when I woke up on New Years Day this year I felt strange, different even (no it was not alcohol-related, as I had like two Vodkas to “celebrate” the night before. I am not really a big drinker) like a switch had flipped inside my head, inside my whole body. I just started thinking differently, like from a different perspective. It was an intriguing feeling, one I had never felt before. With this feeling, this new perspective on life, I started to read Fanfiction (Skins Fanfiction more specifically). I had always wondered about reading Fanfiction, but to be honest I thought it was a bit stupid. Like why would you ruin a good story. With this new outlook on life I thought well why not give it a go, what’s the worst that could happen (aside from becoming addicted to it!)

I picked Skins Fanfiction to begin with as I really loved the characters in the TV Series (2nd generation). I had only come across the series last year and really enjoyed it. I stopped watching it about halfway through the 6th season as it lost its appeal (but I think that was more the 3rd generation characters more than anything. I guess I didn’t really grow to love them). I wish I had come across the series when it was first released. It sort of spoke to me and made me understand a few things about myself. But anyway how did this help with my anxiety?

Well like alot of movies and series, I usually learn from the messages the writers/directors/actors are trying to get across, well that is when its a good story with characters you can understand or even relate to. Skins helped me understand a bit about my anxiety as its a pretty large theme of the series (apart from the entertaining parts like sex, drugs and alcohol lol). When I saw Skins: Fire I was devastated with the story of Naomi, Emily and Effy. I thought too much of the story was squeezed into a short timeline, and it didn’t end up a happy ending. Now what a minute, I know life doesn’t always have a happy ending. It’s not all sunshine, rainbows and puppies, but that is besides the point. The story upset me and I turned to Fanfiction to make me feel better.

When I started reading different stories about my favourite characters, I started to find parts of myself again. I used to read a long time ago, but over the years I never made time for it. Now it’s hard to have a day without reading (Fanfiction or not). It sparked emotions in me. It made me laugh, and cry. It made me enjoy something again (especially something not food related). I felt connected to other people in their writing. I think it has made me smarter in a different way. It also gave me the confidence to start writing this blog.

I think when you find something that helps you emotionally, it can help you reduce the feelings of anxiety and help you move forward. I am not saying that I am cured, I am saying that its helped me in a way that nothing else has. I think the themes and characters made me accept the things I cannot change about myself and learn to start loving myself again. Self love is hard for me. The things I love about myself are few and far between. But I am working on that. I think the hardest thing for me has been not being happy for almost half of my life, that is a long time to not being truly happy (or in a state of happiness). If reading fictional stories from amateur writers helps, then shoot me (please don’t shoot me).

My advice to anyone out there suffering from some form of anxiety and stuck in a rut for too long, try and find something different that makes you happy. Find something off the beaten track and let the euphoria ignite in your veins and put life back into your heart, and more importantly in your head. Your mind is a beautiful thing, even if it is shadowed by the darkness of anxiety. What happens in your head makes you…you. And you know what? YOU ARE AWESOME !

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes