Backwards: Condition, shampoo, repeat

Sometimes wearing (or not wearing) glasses can be a burden. It’s not so much the inability to ‘see’ things with your own eyes, but more so ‘what’ you do see with them.

My eyesight? Crap. I can see relatively clearly about 10cm in front of my nose and the rest is a blur; has been that way since as long as eye (excuse the pun) can remember.

I was fourteen when I became aware that I needed glasses. I was sitting in the science lab (like where you sit is like halfway across the room from the white/black board) and everyone was writing ‘stuff’ down, and I just sat there. I had no clue what everyone was writing, so I just started copying my friend next to me.

My friend soon realised that I couldn’t actually ‘see’ what the teacher was writing on the board; it was like he was ‘pretending’ to write stuff and making the students learn or something…well to me anyway. Not long after, did I actually realise I had to do something about my eyesight. I started getting extreme headaches, almost to the point of throwing up and being unable to concentrate on things I would normally have no issue with doing.

I didn’t know that what I ‘saw’ was different to everyone else. Looking back, I used to think that (when sitting in the school hall with the rest of the school) not seeing the detail on the teachers face when they were talking was…normal. Surely people couldn’t have that clear eyesight, could they? How could I have been more wrong…

Our school was split into four ‘houses’ each with their own colour; Lassig ‘Sharks’ (Blue), Tallon ‘Tigers’ (Green), Miles ‘Mustangs’ (Red) and finally my house, Hazzard ‘Hawks’ (Gold/Yellow). We each had a designated corner of the hall, in which Hazzard sat in the back left hand corner…basically as far away as you can sit from the front stage.

I would always know who was talking and could match up their voice with the way they moved and their position on the stage; again I thought seeing like this was ‘normal’ obviously it wasn’t.

After the headaches progressively got worse, my mother took me to the Optometrist for an eye test and diagnosis? Blind a a bat (although back then I could see about a meter in front of my nose clearly).

When my first pair of glasses arrived and I put them on, I remember that day so clearly (seriously no pun intended) like it was yesterday; in fact this was fourteen years ago…wow that is a long time now I think about it. Do you want to know what I saw? Everything…yep…every little thing.

Things I never knew where there were now staring at me clear in the face for the very first time. It was like everything was in 3D; like a filter had been changed or a light had been switched on for the first time. I instantly felt better; like more of a whole.

Aside from getting used to ‘seeing’ properly for the first time in my life (you know the headaches, sore eyes, sometimes ringing in the ears?) I felt amazing. I could read signs, see small font in the distance, see birds on power lines, and some things I actually found out had been there all along and I just never noticed them, because to my naked eye they never existed…until now (well then if you look at it that way).

My Optometrist had this like this…ritual (I suppose that’s what you’d call it) when you get your new glasses/prescription (and he still does this after all these years) he would make you stand in a specific spot by the front door of the shop and made you look down the street, towards the buildings in the distance. It allows you to adjust to the new strength without actually walking around and making yourself sick or fall over. And I remember the first time he did this, you know when everything was in 3D?

He stood me by one of the stands holding numerous amounts of different frames (in all colours, shapes, sizes and designs), basically pointing to the exact carpet or tile spot to stand on and directed me to look out onto the street. I felt a rush of feelings; a rush of pure emotion really. Like all my Christmases had come at once. Look I know that sounds stupid, but I am sure if you do wear (or have ever worn) glasses for the first time (like when you ‘actually’ require them) you know exactly what I am talking about.

Most people take the ability to ‘see’ for granted, because they don’t know what its like to not see, well ‘see’ through your own eyes, unassisted. I know this feeling oh too well, the not being able to see part, not the taking for granted part. I have always said if I had the choice of superpower I would most definitely choose the ability to see again, like properly; unassisted pure sight. I can’t speak for people who are actually blind and cannot see anything at all (and I feel for them, I really do…well as much as I can, as I am one of the ‘lucky’ ones who can ‘see’ at the very least something), but seeing is truly believing and being able to live your life to the fullest.

So what does all this have to do with Shampoo and Conditioner (well Conditioner then Shampoo in this case) you ask? Everything and nothing; depends how you look at it.

I have probably done this a million times but only recently this has stuck out in my mind (twice). The first time was towards the end of last year I think, and the second was about an hour ago; this morning. What am I talking about? Conditioner.

When you literally cannot see anything (like details of ‘things’) without your glasses on (like when trying to wash your hair) picking up the wrong bottle can make a massive difference. So this morning (possibly like many times before) I picked up the wrong bottle and started to condition my hair instead of shampoo.

You know how they has wash, rinse repeat? As in shampoo, condition, shampoo? Well today I did things backwards; condition, shampoo, condition. It really does make a difference and probably not a bad one. Like I said the first time I realised I had done it, I thought maybe I should do this more often; wash my hair backwards that is.

My shampoo and conditioner bottles are the same colour and size, but one opens from the top (shampoo) and the other (conditioner) opens from the bottom. Most times I would pick up on which is which, but my fiance has been stealing my shampoo again and switched the bottles around. I know he didn’t do this on purpose, but there is an underlying reason why everything has its place in our house and in my life…the fact I cannot see.

Mise en place (pronounced ‘miz on plus’ for those new to the concept) as the French call it, “everything in its place”. Its usually used in the concept of cooking, but it has its place (again with the unintentional puns…I am truly sorry about that!) in the concept of eyesight (or lack there of). I keep try to keep everything in a certain place or in a certain way. It’s not just an OCD thing, its a legitimate process as well.

For example in the shower, my bathing products are lined up two by two on the ledge, in a certain order (from right to left from the shower wall); conditioner at the back and shampoo in front, face scrub at the back and cleanser in the front, body scrub at the back and body wash in front, then my finance’s ‘2 in 1’ shampoo and conditioner at the back and men’s body wash in front.

The reason? So I can shower in control, by knowing which bottle is the bloody shampoo and which bottle is the bloody conditioner of course! Seriously, those who do not wear glasses do not  know the daily struggles of those who do. Although I would rather wear glasses now than contacts (not that I can’t stick my finger in my eye…I have no problem with that!) I get annoyed a lot at my inability to see like everyone else does and just the way I look without glasses. Mostly because my eyes look sunken without them, having worn glasses for fourteen years and also because they kind of suit me after all these years.

The struggle is real people! Like when people say “your glasses should have windscreen wipers attached”…no joke it would be a freaking brilliant idea!

I suppose if you look at this post one-dimensionally, I guess all you’ll ‘see’ is glasses, not being able to see and washing your hair backwards is probably good for your hair (seriously I read that somewhere when I realised I had washed my hair backwards the first time), but really I guess the moral of this post is what you make of it.

Some may see it as clarification, others entertainment, me? I see it as soothing; and maybe perhaps a little justification in why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel. However you take it, I hope you enjoyed my positive (?) rant and perhaps you should actually try washing your hair backwards and tell me what you think, yeah?

Stay Awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes


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