Curing (hopefully) not-a-writer’s block with…steak

It has been AGES since I have had a piece of steak…like ages. I mean a few weeks back I had a small piece of…rump…bleh…I hate rump steak, but aside from that it has been some time since I have enjoyed a deliciously succulent flavoursome piece of prime rib.

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I mean look at that ^^^ (I know its not the best picture because of the lighting in this room…but still!) and guess what? It has…bacon too!

Okay so I guess you have all caught on just how much I like LOVE steak (and bacon) and the obvious lacking of it from my diet of late. I am currently on the Lite ‘n’ Easy eating plan (it’s not really a diet), so I get a styrofoam esky (cooler) delivered to my back door every Thursday, with a week’s worth of breakfasts, lunches and dinners (both fresh and frozen and actually pretty darn good food at that). At the moment it is making my life much easier and is assisting me in my weight loss journey but there is one teensy weensy problem… You guessed it…no steak 😦 *suppressing sobs between keystrokes*

I pretty much eat chicken, chicken, fish, pasta, salad (lots of salad) and…did I mention chicken? I do “like” chicken, but seriously I am all chickened-out at the momento. I mean, I get to choose between two options for breakfast and lunch, so I can select something other than chicken, but when the other option for the day is tinned salmon on a grain roll, I will pick chicken. Fresh salmon no f@#king worries, but tinned salmon on a sandwich…no…thank…you…sir.

Okay so what does this have to do with steak? Everything and nothing. So the title mentions curing (well hopefully) not-a-writer’s block. First things first; I am not a writer. I write, but would hardly call myself a “writer”. I am new to this ball game and all. But if you want to call me a writer, okay that’s fine, then I am a writer 🙂

If you haven’t noticed, my last blog post was two weeks ago and the one before that was…ahh…I cannot remember that far back…let’s say a while (emphasise the “h” like Meg Griffin from Family Guy and we are sweet). And that is about the same for my last fanfic chapter post too. Why is that? Because I’m suffering. Well not really suffering; well I am not dying…no yet anyway…gee I hope I’m not dying… I mean I have suffered a three (nearly four) day migraine this last week, so maybe that has something to do with it. The point is I am finding it hard to write…well more so to continue writing with my latest fanfic chapter.

I don’t think I am “stuck” for story meat (excuse the pun), and the migraine did take it out of me this week, but I think it’s something more. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach (you know currently floating around with the absolutely delectable mass of steak particles I just devoured) and this nagging in the far reaches of my brain, that I know the reason why; I’m scared. Why am I scared? I am coming to the last part of my first ever fanfic story.

I am scared (and perhaps maybe a little sad) because I don’t want it to go downhill from here…the story I mean. I want to finish it in the next month or so, and I want to finish with a bang! I have had so much fun writing my first fanfic and also blogging on here. What can I say, I really enjoy writing. I enjoy letting my creative side grab life by the proverbial balls and just go for it.

Writing has opened many doors and windows, and the occasional car door for me. It has opened my mind to so many things in 2017 and we are only in *checks calendar* April. April? Gee that’s gone quick, must be getting old. It appears that I am approaching twenty eight a little bit too fast for my liking…but that’s a rant for another day. Where was I? Oh yes, steak.

This post will always come back to steak, but there is a reason other than me eating it…really I swear there is!

So I decided to cook a nice portion of rib fillet steak, topped with bacon and a side of kale salad, to try an get me in the mood for writing…okay that part was only partly true, but here we are. Anyways, as I was eating my steak, I was thinking how can I get pumped (and yes, motivated) for writing the next chapter of my fanfic, and a thought whacked me smack-bang in the center of the brain…steak! Yes, I mean steak.

I thought to myself, maybe if I try to find as many words as I can to describe this steak, it might trick my brain into allowing me to actually write something, hence this post and hopefully the next chapter (or at least the chapter outline) will follow.

So of all the words I could use to describe steak, well this steak in particular, and here’s what I came up with; delicious, delectable, succulent, tasty (although I normally wouldn’t use this word in this context), juicy, flavoursome, tender, hearty, bacon-topped (technically its one word), mouth-watering, smokey, generous, filling and I am sure I had come up with more…hmmmm

Well the steak describing words did the trick (well that and the excitement from my recent iBooks purchase of “The Kick-ass Writer” by Chuck Wendig – I love that guy, he is awesome!) to get me to start writing again, because LOOK WHERE I AM. I am WRITING on my blog, so there’s the start I was looking for and I’m glad I’m here…Girl in the Green Shoes (why am I speaking in the third person??) I have missed you.

As such many accomplished writer’s express in their tutorials and snippets of advice, some times you really just need to start writing when you think you have succumbed to this pretty much non-existent phenomenon of writer’s block; well not-a-writer’s block in my case. Even if its the same letter on a page 7,000 times or “The quick brown fox…” or even just dfhjdsfgeuoiryewrhkjndofcndufbewgfrkhje efrewfhdsifykdhejwknrdejwhdfdyfkew (that was symbolising the phenomena of “jibberish”), just writing something, heck ANYTHING, can get the cogs and wheels of your pretty little brain in forward motion and really that is all you need to build momentum to start/continue writing just about anything.

Well I’m off to do some fanfic writing, thanks for reading greenies! You have been a big help in getting me back on track tonight…oh and I secretly wanted to brag about that fantastic slab of meat I just ate. If you have forgotten, please scroll back up and look at the picture again *scrolls up and drools for several minutes*.

Anyways until next time…

Stay awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

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Untitled

Ever write for the sake of writing? I do all the time now…and I love it.

Never know where to begin? Nearly every time I pick up a ‘pen’ or rest my hands on the keyboard.

Sometimes the only way to start writing, really it to start. Doesn’t matter what, just start…somewhere. Whether its a topic or words on a page, it really doesn’t matter; it doesn’t even have to make sense to anyone else but you (ICBG/ITILMN/WICRWASANL).

I suppose this post is just a bit of rambling to get me back into the swing of writing. My FanFiction story has reached thirteen chapters (approx. 60,000 words). I get regular readers and a few reviews here and there but that doesn’t matter, because I enjoy writing it.

Of late, there are many other things I enjoy doing; especially things I have never done before or neglected to make time for, or purely forgotten about. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know where to start or even how I’m feeling, all I know is that for the first time in, what seems like ever, I am actually ‘living’.

Depression and anxiety, along with work and study had/has consumed my existence since I was about 15. I never really made time for the things I actually ‘liked’ doing, because I didn’t have time, because of school, uni or work or I went from one extreme to the other.

Sometimes I wouldn’t start an assignment until the week before it was due and then be skulling red bulls the night/early hours of the morning before submission, just to get it finished. My mother used to say I was rather skilled at ‘winging it’. I can agree with her, but I really didn’t like ‘winging it’. I like to be organised and calculating; its just in my nature to be.

Or, all I would do is study and work myself into the ground. Even when I graduated uni, I threw myself into work, sometimes working 50 hours a week in my office jobs. I became a workaholic and stopped living my life. My health and attitude were tainted for many years because of disorders and medication and now that I have finally started to get my life back on track, things seem to be falling into place.

Not everything is perfect and I know it never will be, and of course the circle will never be complete, but I can try, can’t I? I mean, nowadays I am making time for things that make me…well me. And that is something that I have never really done before, because I lost who I was. I was living a tainted existence; I was living half a life, and really I wasn’t really living my life…but I think now I am starting to.

I am starting to be a little more open and honest within myself, and that is hard for me. Although I am engaged to be married, I am trying to be a little more of an individual and do things that I want to do. I lost individualism when I entered the realm of adulthood and more so since I have been someone’s significant other for the last seven years. It is nothing against my husband to be, it just has to do with things inside myself; purely just me. And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you can distinguish between the two; living as an individual and living as a couple.

Again life, well my life, isn’t perfect; I still have worries and things bashing around in my brain non-stop, but I think I have the advantage now; I have the upper hand on myself, because I am finally beginning to figure out who the hell I am and to be honest it is quite liberating.

I was always so scared of what other people thought, that I would only see things they way others (I thought) would see me. I was afraid to be myself, I was afraid of who I was, that I wasn’t really living at all. Yes the anxiety and depression played a large role over those 12 years, but then I never really let myself live, because I was afraid. Now that I am getting help and support from those dearest to me and mainly from myself, I am starting to not care about what other people think of me so much and it has made me start to live a little more…and that is a feeling that I am chasing at the moment and hope to chase the rest of my life (to keep me moving forward).

I used to think secrets are bad and that living inside yourself was treacherous, but sometimes I think it is essential because it shows you, and only you, who you truly are. Yes, some secrets are bad and somethings people do are unforgivable, but then on the other hand, no one can truly know you, except you and I don’t think that is a bad thing at all.

I want some things just to be special to me; and only me. Is that a crime? I don’t think so. There is a reason I write as The Girl in the Green Shoes and not under my real name, because I am showing a part of myself that I only want to show to people who don’t know me; those who cannot judge the ‘real’ me. I mean there are a ‘select’ few who read my blog who actually do know me and one in particular that probably knows me quite well, you know who you are ;).

As I am starting to learn more about myself (at first some of these things were quite confronting but I am slowly getting my head around it now, or at least trying to), I am finally starting to find the real me; one that was either lost or didn’t exist in the first place, and that my friends, makes me feel real for perhaps the first time in my life.

I never could handle my emotions very well. Always wore my heart on my sleeve, always very open and honest, very loyal and trusting. Now I am starting to be a little more reserved and keep a few more things a little under the collar; some of those thoughts and attributes kept just for me. And I think living life like this a little more has made me be happier, and perhaps a little more social. It has also made me realise a few things about myself that I never thought were possible or even that I was denying for a very long time.

A long time ago I was quite the social butterfly, well in my words anyway. I used to see friends and family all the time, always had something on every night of the week, always doing something or seeing someone, then something happened…I broke and became a shell of a person; those were my darkest of days.

As I said, I have worked hard on myself, trying to wrap my head around things and finally I am moving forward and that’s great. Writing has helped me get there, it truly has. And because reading and writing go hand-in-hand, reading has made me grow, not only as a writer (not that I am calling myself one, I’m not), but as a person. Some of the posts I read on here or chapters on FanFiction, just speak to me; in words that I understand. Some of the people on here and FF alike, seem just as shattered and broken as I was, but they managed to pick themselves up, and gradually the scars are fading. Their words and stories have inspired me. They have ignited a flame deep inside m that has made me realise that my life is actually worth living.

I no longer look in the mirror and detest what I see (well not at 100% anyway). I look into the mirror and see flashes and glimpses of the person I want to be and one that I am slowly becoming. I have always had very low self esteem and I think it was a mixture of anxiety and depression growing up, but also because of the ‘time’ in which I grew up.

Everything was labelled back then; short/tall, fatty/skinny, pretty/ugly, straight/gay, happy/sad. I am sure those labels still exist, but people in this era are more accepting, because it is no longer a crime to be different, its welcomed (well more so then back then). Sometimes I think that if I had grown up now, back in that time that my life would have been on a COMPLETELY different track.

I don’t regret how or when I grew up, I just think that because of all of those influences, it has delayed the actual start of my adult life. Being an adult is not the easiest walk in the park and most times it just plain sucks, but if I had known back then, what I know now about myself and other people, I would have been living a more full life. But at least I am getting somewhere now; at least there is light at the end of the continuous tunnel…and for that (and myself) I am truly grateful for.

Don’t let anymore tell you who you are or what you’re not. You are the only person who will every truly know you and some parts you need to keep just for yourself, for your eyes only.

Never let yourself be the one who stops you from living or being who you are, because you will always regret it if you do.

Stay awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Indescribable 

The day I have had (and it’s only lunch time)…and what I am feeling today is…indescribable.

Do you ever get the feeling (or lack thereof) that you know what it is but really you don’t? Cryptic I know, but it’s all the same. How can you describe a feeling that is many feelings rolled into one big…(insert expletives here)!

Well this is how I feel, so if you can describe it or label it go ahead…I would be very interested to know.

Angry, upset, sad, broken, under appreciated, frustrated, irritated, confused, blazé, tired, awake (insert more if you like) and strangely…calm. I’m not sure if I need a hug, a long sleep, a holiday, strong vodka or to punch someone in the face! WHAT THE HELL AM I FEELING?!

Whatever it is I just want the day to be over…well week actually…and to my disappointment it’s only Tuesday!

That is why I am here; quiet, breezy coffee shop with my Soy Hot Chocolate and some choc chip muffin (wouldn’t surprise me if it’s raw or organic or something, but it tastes pretty darn good). I need an escape from…that place. Even if it’s for only another half an hour that’s left in my lunch break…I need it.

So how do you feel all of these things all at once and not feel like exploding all of the painted walls? I have no clue, all I am trying to do is survive, stay calm and remain impartial, because that is the only way in hell that I am going to get through this day. Oh! And the fact o have a boxing bag at home…

Stay awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Backwards: Condition, shampoo, repeat

Sometimes wearing (or not wearing) glasses can be a burden. It’s not so much the inability to ‘see’ things with your own eyes, but more so ‘what’ you do see with them.

My eyesight? Crap. I can see relatively clearly about 10cm in front of my nose and the rest is a blur; has been that way since as long as eye (excuse the pun) can remember.

I was fourteen when I became aware that I needed glasses. I was sitting in the science lab (like where you sit is like halfway across the room from the white/black board) and everyone was writing ‘stuff’ down, and I just sat there. I had no clue what everyone was writing, so I just started copying my friend next to me.

My friend soon realised that I couldn’t actually ‘see’ what the teacher was writing on the board; it was like he was ‘pretending’ to write stuff and making the students learn or something…well to me anyway. Not long after, did I actually realise I had to do something about my eyesight. I started getting extreme headaches, almost to the point of throwing up and being unable to concentrate on things I would normally have no issue with doing.

I didn’t know that what I ‘saw’ was different to everyone else. Looking back, I used to think that (when sitting in the school hall with the rest of the school) not seeing the detail on the teachers face when they were talking was…normal. Surely people couldn’t have that clear eyesight, could they? How could I have been more wrong…

Our school was split into four ‘houses’ each with their own colour; Lassig ‘Sharks’ (Blue), Tallon ‘Tigers’ (Green), Miles ‘Mustangs’ (Red) and finally my house, Hazzard ‘Hawks’ (Gold/Yellow). We each had a designated corner of the hall, in which Hazzard sat in the back left hand corner…basically as far away as you can sit from the front stage.

I would always know who was talking and could match up their voice with the way they moved and their position on the stage; again I thought seeing like this was ‘normal’ obviously it wasn’t.

After the headaches progressively got worse, my mother took me to the Optometrist for an eye test and diagnosis? Blind a a bat (although back then I could see about a meter in front of my nose clearly).

When my first pair of glasses arrived and I put them on, I remember that day so clearly (seriously no pun intended) like it was yesterday; in fact this was fourteen years ago…wow that is a long time now I think about it. Do you want to know what I saw? Everything…yep…every little thing.

Things I never knew where there were now staring at me clear in the face for the very first time. It was like everything was in 3D; like a filter had been changed or a light had been switched on for the first time. I instantly felt better; like more of a whole.

Aside from getting used to ‘seeing’ properly for the first time in my life (you know the headaches, sore eyes, sometimes ringing in the ears?) I felt amazing. I could read signs, see small font in the distance, see birds on power lines, and some things I actually found out had been there all along and I just never noticed them, because to my naked eye they never existed…until now (well then if you look at it that way).

My Optometrist had this like this…ritual (I suppose that’s what you’d call it) when you get your new glasses/prescription (and he still does this after all these years) he would make you stand in a specific spot by the front door of the shop and made you look down the street, towards the buildings in the distance. It allows you to adjust to the new strength without actually walking around and making yourself sick or fall over. And I remember the first time he did this, you know when everything was in 3D?

He stood me by one of the stands holding numerous amounts of different frames (in all colours, shapes, sizes and designs), basically pointing to the exact carpet or tile spot to stand on and directed me to look out onto the street. I felt a rush of feelings; a rush of pure emotion really. Like all my Christmases had come at once. Look I know that sounds stupid, but I am sure if you do wear (or have ever worn) glasses for the first time (like when you ‘actually’ require them) you know exactly what I am talking about.

Most people take the ability to ‘see’ for granted, because they don’t know what its like to not see, well ‘see’ through your own eyes, unassisted. I know this feeling oh too well, the not being able to see part, not the taking for granted part. I have always said if I had the choice of superpower I would most definitely choose the ability to see again, like properly; unassisted pure sight. I can’t speak for people who are actually blind and cannot see anything at all (and I feel for them, I really do…well as much as I can, as I am one of the ‘lucky’ ones who can ‘see’ at the very least something), but seeing is truly believing and being able to live your life to the fullest.

So what does all this have to do with Shampoo and Conditioner (well Conditioner then Shampoo in this case) you ask? Everything and nothing; depends how you look at it.

I have probably done this a million times but only recently this has stuck out in my mind (twice). The first time was towards the end of last year I think, and the second was about an hour ago; this morning. What am I talking about? Conditioner.

When you literally cannot see anything (like details of ‘things’) without your glasses on (like when trying to wash your hair) picking up the wrong bottle can make a massive difference. So this morning (possibly like many times before) I picked up the wrong bottle and started to condition my hair instead of shampoo.

You know how they has wash, rinse repeat? As in shampoo, condition, shampoo? Well today I did things backwards; condition, shampoo, condition. It really does make a difference and probably not a bad one. Like I said the first time I realised I had done it, I thought maybe I should do this more often; wash my hair backwards that is.

My shampoo and conditioner bottles are the same colour and size, but one opens from the top (shampoo) and the other (conditioner) opens from the bottom. Most times I would pick up on which is which, but my fiance has been stealing my shampoo again and switched the bottles around. I know he didn’t do this on purpose, but there is an underlying reason why everything has its place in our house and in my life…the fact I cannot see.

Mise en place (pronounced ‘miz on plus’ for those new to the concept) as the French call it, “everything in its place”. Its usually used in the concept of cooking, but it has its place (again with the unintentional puns…I am truly sorry about that!) in the concept of eyesight (or lack there of). I keep try to keep everything in a certain place or in a certain way. It’s not just an OCD thing, its a legitimate process as well.

For example in the shower, my bathing products are lined up two by two on the ledge, in a certain order (from right to left from the shower wall); conditioner at the back and shampoo in front, face scrub at the back and cleanser in the front, body scrub at the back and body wash in front, then my finance’s ‘2 in 1’ shampoo and conditioner at the back and men’s body wash in front.

The reason? So I can shower in control, by knowing which bottle is the bloody shampoo and which bottle is the bloody conditioner of course! Seriously, those who do not wear glasses do not  know the daily struggles of those who do. Although I would rather wear glasses now than contacts (not that I can’t stick my finger in my eye…I have no problem with that!) I get annoyed a lot at my inability to see like everyone else does and just the way I look without glasses. Mostly because my eyes look sunken without them, having worn glasses for fourteen years and also because they kind of suit me after all these years.

The struggle is real people! Like when people say “your glasses should have windscreen wipers attached”…no joke it would be a freaking brilliant idea!

I suppose if you look at this post one-dimensionally, I guess all you’ll ‘see’ is glasses, not being able to see and washing your hair backwards is probably good for your hair (seriously I read that somewhere when I realised I had washed my hair backwards the first time), but really I guess the moral of this post is what you make of it.

Some may see it as clarification, others entertainment, me? I see it as soothing; and maybe perhaps a little justification in why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel. However you take it, I hope you enjoyed my positive (?) rant and perhaps you should actually try washing your hair backwards and tell me what you think, yeah?

Stay Awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Escape

Escape…sometimes you need it; sometimes you don’t. Today is a day where it is desperately needed, required even.

It’s wet; raining. Muggy. Miserable.

For some reason wet weather brings out the crazies…whether actual “crazy” people or just crazy circumstances. Whatever the reason both are out in full force today.

It took me ages to get to work because everyone was doing 20km under the speed limit. Then work is crazy. Always so much do but it’s one of those days when one thing goes wrong and then you keep getting constantly hammered and the proverbial “shit” hits the fan and coats everything in its wake. And I’m tired, lack of sleep is starting to take its toll.

So escape you ask? What I need.

Sitting here in the quiet coffee shop next door with a hot chocolate (on soy) with two chocolate chip biscuits; planning an escape that won’t happen. After my lunch break there is one and a half days to go until the weekend is mine.

I don’t mind if the wet weather sticks around in my time (the weekend)…I can escape the “crazies” by not leaving my house…generally speaking. You can curl up at home, watch a movie, read a book, write something, all while listening to the rain catch on the roof and the windows. It’s a beautiful sound, one I love; always have. Must be a farmer’s daughter thing, I guess.

I remember as a kid (and still do) smelling the rain before it came. Closing my eyes and breathing deep, the scent filling inside me, providing an instant calm. I suppose that’s what I’m doing in my lunch break…escaping without really going anywhere. Listening to the rain is escape enough…well for the moment anyway.

As much as I would love to pack a bag and escape (even for a little while), this is all I can spare. Half an hour away from it all, sipping a hot chocolate and listening to the soothing sound the cars make as they pass by on the wet road.

Sometimes you don’t have to go all out to provide yourself with a little “escape”; sometimes you just have to leave your normal and do something different, even it’s only for a minute.

Stay awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Snippets from a Weekend Retreat

The people are nice here. Not that they aren’t nice where I’m from…just different…a different kinda nice than I’m used to. And to me that’s…well nice.
The view is amazing. Ocean views through the harbour. Boardwalks, cafes and restaurants right within arms reach. I like it here. Need to do this more often. Not all the time, then it would become ordinary, but just enough to get excited when I do and miss it when I don’t.

I do miss the company but that’s not the point is it. The point is all about me…for once. It may seem selfish to others but I have never put myself first, like ever. I’m trying something different, to gain my happiness back. You know that thing that has been lacking in my life for years and to be honest it’s hard to remember the last time I was happy. But I’m trying to get that back or the idea of it anyway.

I will never be happy like I was; too much has changed and the years have passed. I’m chasing the feeling more than anything, perhaps the idea of it; of being happy.

Overlooking the harbour is a beautiful site; picturesque even. Many different boats, yachts and catamarans. All different colours (mainly white), shapes and sizes. Same as people I guess. I mean like different shapes, sizes, colours, attitudes and personalities even.

As much as this is a getaway from the struggles of adult life, I’m glad I don’t know anyone here. It’s a place of peace and serenity. No one knows your business and frankly no one cares. The ingredients to making the getaway worth it; reaping all of the benefits and rewards without the price of judgement from your fellow man (people who know you really)

Sitting here eating my French toast, it’s delicious by the way. Flavours of cinnamon and maple syrup and bacon…yep bacon. Oh how I love bacon but that’s a story for another day. I overheard a lady on my right across the cafe describing how nineteen year olds should be, “wow your nineteen? Shouldn’t you be out like partying like all of the other nineteen year olds?” It made me laugh thinking back to when I was nineteen, almost a decade ago. I was like that. Not partying it up and all that. I was different, heck I am different. Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot because I’m stubborn but oh well got me here didn’t it??

_________________

I like those lights. The ones that hang from the ceiling; all industrial-like. Black wire casing with a single bulb. Some of these have different size and shape bulbs. It’s daytime now so I cannot see the ultimate beauty of them but I can imagine. I might have to return to find out.

_________

This retreat I’m on is so…refreshing, relieving. I had my doubts about going away this weekend…alone, but I am glad I took the plunge and did it…for me. 

After breakfast I did almost 10,000 steps along the foreshore of this beautiful seaside town. Walked all the way down to the pier and back and it’s a long pier…like nearly 900m long. I knew I was going to have blisters as I wore my yellow chucks (not exactly walking material but it was worth it). And yes I have a big blister on each little toe and under under my toes on the bottom of my feet, but like I said totally worth it; I got my vitamin D (which is severely lacking), I stretched my legs, cleared my lungs and cleared my head. Even now I feel like a new person.

Since I got back from my walk, I was gone for like an hour and a half, I have been writing. Yep writing. One of the main reasons to get away in the first place. I feel better when I write, feel like I’m working towards something; the benefit being solely my own.

I have had some personal things going on lately and I needed to get away, so here I am. Relaxing, writing and sitting on my private balcony overlooking the harbour eating room service…delicious pasta and a pineapple mint frappe…mmm. Did I tell you I have an obsession for all things pineapple? No? Well I’ll leave that for another day. If it’s one thing I can talk about it’s my love of pineapples…oh and bacon…yes…everything is better with bacon but you already know that don’t you?

Well I’m going to finish my delicious lunch and get back to my latest fanfiction chapter 🙂

Stay awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Random Thought of the Day: Procrastination

Just a random thought (of many I had today) that decided to present itself into my “pretty” little head…procrastination. The thought actually came in my routine…umm…trip to the loo this morning…as you do (for all that say ‘eewww’ it’s all a la natural and I hope you do it too).

Anyways, this morning I was catching up on some reading before I got ready for work and I had this thought as my alarm for 7am went off on my phone. I thought why do I have all of these alarms everyday? Nine in the morning and four at night. The answers is purely proscrastination.

I am one of those semi organised people (mostly) who loves routine, processes and essentially getting from Point A to Point B in the most efficient and effective way possible. But there is a flaw in my logic (like any great logic), I have a tendency to procrastinate. Hence the excessive setting of alarms. Also the fact that I heard somewhere that highly intelligent people (not boasting but I would like to think higher than your average Jane) tend you zone out when their brain has been active for an extensive period of time, which would agree with me that I cannot usually think before or after work, just during work.

A second thought occurred to me shortly after the first thought (which was actually an answer, followed by the question this time); procrastination, that’s why we not only have alarms on our phones, we also have countdown timers. Ha ha genius I thought. Obviously I set a countdown timer for another 15 minutes so I could enjoy my beloved FanFiction a little longer.

Starting an finishing your day with something that puts a smile on your face, makes you feel good and relaxes you is always the best way. And that my friends is my short Random Thought of the day.

Stay Awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Spontaneous Saturdays

To be fair, I have to start my Saturday story with a Friday story, otherwise it’s not really anything to go by.

My weekend started about 5:30pm (ish), when I finished work and made my way home. I came through the back door and was greeted by a pair of cute little brown eyes and a lovely golden coat….my fur baby. I gave my dog a cuddle and let her outside for some “yard time” (gee that makes me sound like she lives in a prison!).  When I saw the state my house was in at the end of the week, I was actually quite impressed that my fiancé and I had managed to keep the house fairly tidy throughout our busy week. Believe my when I say that I have spent years trying to instill some domesticated wisdom into my future husband so I didn’t have to spend my whole Saturday cleaning the house, along with other routine domestic duties. Don’t get me wrong, I actually do like cleaning (as stupid as it sounds). It’s like part of my weekly routine. It helps me wind down at the end of the week, forget about my worries and ultimately I think it helps me deal with my anxiety.

Anyway, I managed to clean the whole house (minus the washing, but thankfully there was only three loads) before 9pm, which was amazing and considering I also spent like 45 minutes on the phone to an old friend from High School, I hadn’t seen since I was 19 and had hardly spoken to over the years. More so because of the fact that we were both busy and lived a fair distance away from each other, but still we picked up where we left off as easily and had a great chat about her moving back in about 6 weeks! Besides the call and the cleaning, my weekend forcast was clear and sunny with a chance of relaxation.

I ended up reading my beloved FanFiction until about 2:30am, which wasn’t the best way to start a weekend , given the fact I was extremely tired when I finally woke and couldn’t actually get a sleep in like I’d hoped. I managed to drag myself out of bed and showered before 9am. I always said to myself, “if you haven’t started your day by 9am, you have wasted half the day, whether it’s the weekend or not”. After I had breakfast, did some paperwork, banking and paid a few bills online, I decided to make a list and head into town.

My trip into town was relaxing, well as much as it can be on a Saturday morning with all of the weekend drivers out and about. I swear my road rage increases on a weekend. Just because people can be “leisurely” on a weekend doesn’t mean they want to spend their weekend in traffic or being behind a REALLY slow and uncoordinated driver. I sung along to my music and within about 25min I had arrived at my first destination, Bunnings (a hardware warehouse). I looked at my list and challenged myself to be in and out within 10 minutes. I was a girl on a mission  and wanted to make the most of my weekend, without wasting unneccasy time in a hardware store. I’m pretty sure I stuck to my mission and managed to get some things to fix the fly screen on my windows, some ear plugs (for reading until the cool ones I bought from the UK arrive) and an extension cord/cable clips for our new air conditioner in the lounge room. Okay so it’s not “new” but it works and will make do until we actually by a place of our own. Next stop Big W (department store).

This mission was even quicker I think, okay well maybe the same (10 minutes). I went in and bought another pair of cordless hair clippers because my other half got the shits with our corded pair and threw them in the bin, when I’m pretty sure they got caught in his beard. He does have a beard trimmer but he lets it grow wild and the complains when it gets hard to trim and takes longer to maintain, but that is men for you, isn’t it? I did see this like beard trimming bib you suction to your mirror so it catches all of the hair, on the internet the other week and am seriously contemplating buying him one…it will save my white vanity becoming littered with beard trimmings and a clogged drain. A quick stop at the chemist to pick up a prescription and I was back at the car for what I thought was the last part of my journey.

I was on my way to the other major shopping centre in town to get a massage when my phone rang. I answered the call on my car Bluetooth (it’s so handy, no pun intended) and it was my mother. She wanted to catch up for lunch after my massage, but it’s never just lunch with my mum…it nearly always includes…shopping. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate shopping, I am female after all, but I don’t usually look at shops for no reason. I go in with a purpose of buying something that I really need or just because I feel like it, but it’s usually a planned trip.  The more efficient and cost effective the better, but when it comes to my mother we could be in there for days! Anyway we had planned to meet after my massage. 

I got to this little Chinese Massage parlour in the middle of the shopping centre. It’s brilliant and not too badly priced either. I selected the Whole Body (without feet) package, as my ankle is still swollen, tender and strapped up for support. Although I spent most of the massage experience eliciting as many facial cringes and expressions as I could without producing verbal sounds or pain and discomfort, I actually felt much better afterwards. You see Chinese massage is very…how do I put this…aggressive?? They seriously know what they are doing but although you feel fantistic (sorry inside joke) afterwards there is certainly an amount of pain that you have to endure to get that end result. Did I tell you I have bruises today?  It took me like half an hour to fully wake up after that massage. I had to mentally slap myself numerous times to get a grip on myself otherwise people in the shopping centre would have thought I was mad if I was actually slapping myself.

I met my Mum for lunch at a coffee shop, we had corn and zucchini fritters with rocket and relish and shared a bowl of chips. I had a strawberry thickshake on soy (milk protein intolerance, long story) and I think Mum had a pot of tea. We talked bout the normal mother daughter stuff and as usual I interjected in parts to change the subject. My relationship with my mother is touchy to say the least. I love her to bits but she can be a bit overwhelming at times (okay most of the time) and she pushes my buttons without realising and wonders why I get snappy. I don’t think she realises that we are very similar and that the reason why we clash. 

After lunch she dragged me to a few clothes shops, with me literally trailing behind as I couldn’t keep up with my foot. She kept asking me why I was so slow until I gave her a look that said everything and she apologised and looked at my ankle. I ended up buying three nice tops and we went and had a look at a jeweller (where I bought a new silver ear cuff for only $5) and in one of those costume jewellery shops (where Mum bought me a long gold pineapple necklace). Two things here you need to know about me, one, I love ear cuffs, but cannot get my helix pierced, because of the shape of my ears (I look like an elf out of Lord of the Rings, the nice elf ears, well I hope) and two, I am utterly obsessed with random pineapple-related things (lamps, jewellery, mousepads, lip balm, Tim Tams and generally anything pineapple flavoured). Pineapples make me happy. They are bright and sweet and are the international symbol of hospitality. There is also a quote I love that is pineapple themed, “be a pineapple, stand tall, rough on the outside, sweet on the inside and wears a crown”.

Okay so enough with the pineapples, and the shopping. I thanked Mum for the lovely afternoon and said our goodbyes. I was halfway home when I realised that Mum had distracted me so much (despite the fact I told her I had go go before I left town) I’d almost forgot that I needed to get a few groceries before heading home. Luckily there is a Supermarket down the road from my house and I managed to get there before they closed. I finally got home about 4:30pm, where I packed away the days’ buys and settled down with a book (okay I lied, it was FanFiction, can’t help it’s addictive) while I waited for hubby (to be) to be to get home from work (he has been so busy running his landscaping/gardening business that he has had to work most weekends of late). When he had arrived we decided to order Thai for dinner. Vegetable spring rolls with plum sauce (even though the sauce was clear) for entree, Chicken Pad Thai (with no tofu/shrimp) for me and Beef Hokkein Noodles for him. After dinner we hung out (by this I mean he slept on the couch and I read) in the air conditioned lounge room for a bit, then realised I was pretty tired and I went to bed.

After a shocking night’s sleep, I woke up at 9am, read, had breakfast before writing this post. It’s now nearly 2pm and I’m still in my pyjamas so, I’d better stop procrastinating and go have a shower and get dressed. As much as I’d love to continue writing, my iPad is extremely slow and lagging as I type so it’s taken me almost two and a half hours to write this post. Talk about being annoyed with technology. Anyway enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Stay awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Everybody has secrets…

I guess that sounds like a bad thing then? It’s not always the case. Secrets and lying are two very different things. A secret is something about yourself you don’t tell anyone, you have never had to lie about something that no one knows. A lie is an excuse about something you don’t want other people to know but you have been backed into a corner, practically forcing you to tell the truth or worse, feel the need to hide from it.

Here I am, 10:39PM, dealing with one of my secrets. It’s not bad, I’m not lying to anyone. I am just doing what I think is best for myself at the time. I don’t believe anyone can truely know you, like really know you. Like everything about you, know you. And you know what? That is okay. Sometimes the only person you can confide in is you. Sometimes the only truth you hide is the one you can’t bare to speak to anyone but yourself.

Everybody and I mean everybody has something to hide, but that doesn’t mean it’s all bad. Sometimes it’s our secrets that allow us to be who we really are. These secrets can make or break you. These secrets can make you scared or confident. They can make you happy or sad. 

Only you can decide if it’s worth confiding in someone. But it’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s all up to you really. For instance there is only one person I know who knows/reads (maybe read just once) this blog, because it’s a secret. I mean my fiancé knows  writing a blog, but he doesn’t know where to find it or what it’s about. To be honest he hates it. He thinks I’m spilling details of my relationship to the world, but I’m not.

This blog is a secret because it helps me deal with my anxiety. It helps me be more confident and helps me grow in ways I never thought were possible. The biggest thing it does, is lets me be, well…me. If people don’t know you, I mean really know you, they can’t judge you in a way that makes you feel ashamed or unappreciated. You can shrug off a person judging your character when you don’t know them and they don’t know you. You can also learn from them, learn from others. The more positive side of things.

We all have secrets and some are worth keeping. Worth keeping just for you.

Stay awesome 😉

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Why, why, why am I doing this to myself…

…because it makes me happy. Because it makes me feel something real. Because once you get that feeling (Thanks Justin Timberlake!) it becomes addictive and you will do what you can just to keep on feeling it. So what on earth am I talking about? 

Sleep deprivation of course! I have been so stuck on reading at night that before I know it is 11:30pm and then wake up, at what feels like only an hour later. Here I am eating my breakfast with a large glass of Berroca (2 tablets for good measure) just so I can get through the day without falling asleep at the keyboard or re-rolling my ankle.

I hope to get through this day as fast as possible so I can come home and have a nap before dinner. I have made a promise to myself (so we will see how that goes) to stop reading when my bedtime alarm goes off at 9:30pm. Yes I am one of those people with multiple alarms throughout the morning and night. If I didn’t I would end up being in a state of constant proscrastination.

I am even procrastinating now…blogging instead of finishing my breakfast and the Berroca and heading for the shower so I’m not late for work. All because of this feeling I get when I do something I enjoy, love even…read.

Well I’d seriously better get my ass into gear and go get ready for work. Gotta blaze Greenies (what do you think of my new follower name?? If you think it’s crap please suggest a better one in the comments 🙂

Stay awesome 

The Girl in the Green Shoes 😉