Catharsis

Catharsis ~ “The process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions”

Catharsis is what I want. Catharsis is what I need. Will writing this post give me that relief? Probably not. Will it help at all? Yeah, I guess so, but that’s not the point is it?

Has someone ever asked you one question that has changed your entire outlook on life?

Ever thought that one question could change your life?

Ever thought, that one question could make you question everything about your life and who you are?

Well one seemingly insignificant question, has perhaps changed my perspective on everything I thought I knew about myself…and to be honest it scares the shit outta me.

Life knows how to throw a curve ball, I know that…but what I didn’t know is that life can really fuck you over with one simple question. On one hand, I wish I was never asked said question, in fact my life would not have been railroaded if the person who asked the question never even asked it in the first place. But that is life for you, one detour after another and I get that. On the other hand, I understand why said question was asked, and why this question needs to be answered, because it has mentality to make or break me.

I get that life isn’t fair. I get that life is hard work. I get that life is…well life. But what I don’t get is why this question has uprooted me in a way that I may never recover from, not entirely anyway. I mean I’m not dying (well not yet anyway and I mean everyone will at some point), but the result is “life” threatening. Its threatening to my life…you know the one I thought I had a handle on; the one I had control (well mostly) of.

I just want to see reason in a sea of doubt. I want to find what I lost. I want to be strong again, but I don’t know how. This stupid insignificant question is perhaps the most important one of my life up until this point. The way forward is in my hands, but I have no clue what I should do or where I should go, you know why? Because this question, made me doubt who I am and to me that is devastating.

Life is hard enough without having to start again, but imagine if in a matter of weeks or days even, that your world was turned upside down. Imagine if everything you knew about yourself was…gone…*poof*

Imagine if all of your morals, beliefs and core values were shattered?

What if.

Would you cope? Could you handle the pressure?

To be honest, I am not sure if I can, but I am going to try because I will not let it be the death of be or be the bane of my existence . The challenge is now trying to find who I am again, because that person does not exist since this question was asked, pondered and an attempt was made to answer said question.

Trying to find myself again will come at a cost no doubt, but I am determined to sort this shit out…I mean I have to. I just can’t help but feel the pressure. Its like I have to explain myself to…well myself. Like I have to start again, relearn everything that was once me; what was once my sole existence.

Like I said I cannot deny that it will not be a road full of twists and turns, humps and bumps and blood sweat and tears, but why did this have to happen now (if at all really)? Life was finally starting to move forward; finally starting to get better. I was becoming the person who I wanted to be, the one that had been lost for years behind the darkness of depression and anxiety and now here I am, lost even more than I was before.

How do you cope, when one question can change everything? The answer is you can’t; you just have to deal with it and move on the best you can

The Girl in the Green Shoes

 

 

 

Advertisements

Chapter Four, back to work & pajamas

Just a quick progress update on my FanFiction story and generally how I am feeling at the moment.

I am absolutely ecstatic at the response I have received so far for my Skins FanFic. I am surprised people are actually reading it, let alone taking the time to review and send me messages of encouragement. I originally posted the first chapter basically for myself, to prove I could actually do it…you know to stop being afraid and all of that.

So here I am… four chapters posted and almost eight chapters written. I never realised just good I feel when I write. Whether blogging or writing my FanFic it makes me feel…alive. Like I was meant to do this. It has only taken me to the ripe old age of 27 to figure this out about myself, but you know what? I am glad I found out at all. Better late than never hey?

This week has been a bit hectic. I went back to work after having a week off at home. I am one of those people who has to take my four weeks leave every calendar year otherwise I burn out and go crazy. A week at home did me good. I was able to recharge my batteries.

The bad part was the returning to work thing…always is. I was dreading going back on Monday just gone because I knew things wouldn’t be the way I had left it and basically that the “shit was always going to hit the fan” and it did…not as bad as I had been expecting but I still had to spend most of the week cleaning up the carnage left behind.

By the time I had left work on Friday I felt pretty good with the week’s progress and satisfied for once. As much as I want to be proactive at work, because of the nature of the work I do its almost impossible to be ahead of the game, but you can always try hey?

This weekend has basically seen me where three different pairs of pajamas…and that was only yesterday! I felt like having a pajama day and writing. It was so hot that I had to change three times. That’s Queensland heat for you.. I wasn’t in the best of moods this weekend, so the writing helped. Sometimes you have to listen to your mind/body and if it tells you to not see anyone and have a pajama day, then you MUST have a pajama day!

This morning when my fiance and I cleaned up the house (I really couldn’t have been bothered yesterday and I was grateful he decided to help me this morning) the sweat was literally dripping off me. I had it all over me, it was even dropping on my glasses! If you wear glasses I am sure you understand the predicament of the situation.

Anywho I am going to get back to editing my latest chapter. If you are a fan of Skins and like FanFiction let me know and I will send you the link πŸ™‚

Happy Sunday everyone

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

 

 

Return of the Avid Bowler

Tonight is the first night since the return of the bowling season  πŸŽ³ that I have actually been able to make because of my ankle. Remember the “when I fell out my house and hurt my ankle” story??

I’m not bowling too badly. Better than last year I think. I started really good last season and then got worse, but I love it so it doesn’t really matter.

The thing about bowling is every ball you bowl is different. You may have technique but the game is unpredictable; it’s what makes it exciting.

I bowl in a league once a week on a Monday night. I bowl with a whole bunch of different people. Different backgrounds. Different ages, shapes and sizes. A few people have dropped out so it leaves me the youngest at 27 and oldest is around 80-something. 

I love bowling. I love the feeling when you get up to bowl. I love the sound the pins make when the ball crashes through them. Sometimes I close my eyes and just listen. The music is pretty good too!

Some people have a style of bowling. Some spin. Some twist. Some people literally throw the ball halfway done the lane and you think the wooden lane will split in two. Some people bowl like butter; I particularly admire these people. When the ball is bowled so damn smooth it’s like they are spreading melted butter on toast. I find it fascinating. Me?? I am what you call a straight bowler. My arm doesn’t turn and if I get the angle right I (usually) hit what pin I want. I don’t use boards or markers for aim; I bowl by feel. If I feel good I bowl good. If I feel crap or tired it certainly shows at the end of the night.

I am in no way a professional or even amateur bowler. My average used to be 77 and now it’s 87. Tonight I bowled a 92, 115, 94; over average so a good night. When I started I was bowling an average of 120/130. My highest was 147.

Like I said I do it because I enjoy it, it makes me happy and gets me out of the house once a week. The people are friendly and you can learn a lot from them; especially those who have bowled for over 50 years!

Do you bowl or do something that makes you feel the way I do? If so, I’d love to hear from you and your stories 😊

Please comment below or email me girl_in_the_green_shoes@yahoo.com

Stay Awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Cross bowling on Lanes 1 & 2

Random Thought of the Day: Procrastination

Just a random thought (of many I had today) that decided to present itself into my “pretty” little head…procrastination. The thought actually came in my routine…umm…trip to the loo this morning…as you do (for all that say ‘eewww’ it’s all a la natural and I hope you do it too).

Anyways, this morning I was catching up on some reading before I got ready for work and I had this thought as my alarm for 7am went off on my phone. I thought why do I have all of these alarms everyday? Nine in the morning and four at night. The answers is purely proscrastination.

I am one of those semi organised people (mostly) who loves routine, processes and essentially getting from Point A to Point B in the most efficient and effective way possible. But there is a flaw in my logic (like any great logic), I have a tendency to procrastinate. Hence the excessive setting of alarms. Also the fact that I heard somewhere that highly intelligent people (not boasting but I would like to think higher than your average Jane) tend you zone out when their brain has been active for an extensive period of time, which would agree with me that I cannot usually think before or after work, just during work.

A second thought occurred to me shortly after the first thought (which was actually an answer, followed by the question this time); procrastination, that’s why we not only have alarms on our phones, we also have countdown timers. Ha ha genius I thought. Obviously I set a countdown timer for another 15 minutes so I could enjoy my beloved FanFiction a little longer.

Starting an finishing your day with something that puts a smile on your face, makes you feel good and relaxes you is always the best way. And that my friends is my short Random Thought of the day.

Stay Awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

OMG I just uploaded Chapter One!

This is just a very quick post…just because I am super excited and scared shitless at the same time!

Today…well just now I uploaded the first ever chapter of my FanFiction story!!! Can you tell how excited I am?

In the spirit of trying new things this year, not caring about what other people think and doing what makes me happy, I finally uploaded something I hold close to my heart.

As you know, I have only recently started writing and blogging and now I have evolved to writing FanFiction that I actually publish on the interwebs… I am trying to use writing, whether blogging or fanfiction-ing (it’s probably not a word, but who cares??), as a way to change my relationship with food (by writing and not eating when I’m “bored” or “emotional“), a way to deal with my anxiety and ultimately a way of making me feel something that has been absent for the past 15 years….HAPPY!

Right now you could say I certainly have front row seats to the Premier of my happiness, so stay posted. If I feel like this now, imagine where this could lead…OMG talk about exciting πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

If you happen to like FanFiction or more particularly Skins FanFiction, are interested and want to read, please let me know and I will send you the link πŸ™‚

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

 

Something other than…food

So it’s been like a week since I last posted. Believe me I have been trying to come up with something to write…but I have to be in the right mood to blog, otherwise it all comes out like some regurgitated piece of shh..sheppard’s pie.

I don’t just want to write anything and everything on here. I’m not one of those people who just status updates every 5 minutes, with whatever comes into my mind that very second. I think about what I write; it’s important to me.

So when I finally I got over myself and I felt the desire to write, here I am.

Okay, so what’s with the title?? Well, not that I’ve said a lot about it on here, if anything really (maybe I have…not sure??), but I have anxiety and issues with losing weight. I have battled the weight demon for years and after ditching some horrid medication and getting my health back on track, I think I am finally heading in the right direction.

When you have been through what I have, and experienced the unsuspecting side effects of drugs (prescription that is), it’s hard to change your mindset about things, in my case…food…especially food.

You see I had an extreme reaction to taking the contraceptive pill for 12 years; I have put on somewhere within the vicinity of 30-40kgs since my teens. Having only discovered this fact in the last 12 months, I have ditched the medications, changed other medications to avoid stacking on or impeding my weight loss once and for all.

I guess that hard part was, and still is to some degree, changing my relationship with food and ultimately how it makes me feel. A combination of side effects, anxiety, hormonal and emotional issues have contributed to my significant weight gain over the years. It isn’t just any one thing. The medication started the weight gain, and fueled it for years to come.

I was always hungry, never full; that was the medication.

I kept eating and eating and eating to try and fill the void I felt; that was hormones and emotions.

I kept hating myself for not being able to stop; that was the anxiety

These set of circumstances just fueled my anger, my hate and my low self-image of myself.

Its been about a year since I have ditched the pill and about 4 months since I changed my anxiety medication to try and combat some of the feelings I had and the potential to gain/ not lose weight. I’m not going to be on medication forever, I hope to be able to do this on my own one day, but for the time being I need a little bit of help to get there. I am not ashamed of taking medication to help me deal with my anxiety, but I am going to monitor myself so I don’t fall back into that black hole…it’s a scary place there.

Okay so food…changing my meds and getting my health back on track, I had finally started to lose weight (not much only a few kilos) and size (something is better than nothing). But the big change was how food made me “feel”. I’m not as hungry anymore, I don’t mindless eat as much anymore, I am trying to change my relationship with food.

It’s not that easy to change your mindset of something. The way you think has been ground into you your entire life; you can’t just flip a switch and say “I am going to stop doing that and do this instead”. Well some people can, but me? Meh, not so much.

Anyway, I have been going to a counselor/life-coach again to try and help me deal with some underlying issues that have inhibited me from moving forward and getting myself back on track. I go every 3 or 4 weeks for an hour and end up leaving much lighter…emotionally. The sessions do help with the main idea of change the way you think to change the way you feel to change the way you act (its actually a triangle diagram so the notion can go either way really)

So what have I been doing? I have been finding other things, not food related to do. Don’t get me wrong, I will so till continue follow my passion of cooking, but for now its on the back burner until I can learn to deal with stuff.

Food and food thoughts, have been replaced with…reading and writing (and a bit of music). Sounds simple enough. I have rediscovered my love of reading and believe me its hard to read and eat at the same time…have you ever tried it? Munching away, the page moves and you end up reading the same line like 9 times, before you realise you need to just chew your food and come back to the book later. I can escape with a book (or fanfiction) and enjoy living inside my head, where food can’t hurt me. And writing…obviously blogging has helped considerably, not that I have been doing it for long, but what do they always say? Quality not quantity?

Along the blogging route, I mentioned a few weeks ago that maybe one day I’ll write some of my own fanfiction…well you know what…I have πŸ™‚ That is another reason why I have been AWOL in the last week. I have been totally engrossed with dumping my thoughts on paper (electronic paper that is, long gone are the days were we have to “write” on paper) and starting to write my first fanfic story. I’m up to like 14,400 words (4 chapters) so far and I feel absolutely amazing. Its like I am using a part of my brain that hasn’t been used since I was at university and even before that, when I was in high school. My creative brain

I have always been somewhat creative…I think so anyway…but it was always visual and via my imagination. I always had trouble saying, writing and drawing how I feel, but let me picture it in my head and it felt awesome. Now think of how it must feel to be able to express that “on paper”, its amazing. The euphoric rush I get from writing something that has been dancing around in my head for ages is a totally freakin amazing feeling.

For someone who hasn’t been truely happy for like 15 years, that is saying something. I am well on my way to curing my unhappiness and with that it could lead to losing weight and keeping it off for good (here’s hoping).

On a side note, I have started exercising again. I can’t do it everyday, because my ankle is still healing and my arthritis can be a bitch, but I am trying to do every second day (this week I done two 1hr is sessions). I feel so much better, and now I just have to keep going forward, one foot in front of the other.

Thanks for listening guys, I’ll try and not take too long between posts

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

 

 

 

 

 

 

Liebster Award

award

β€œThe Liebster award is a chance to get to know fellow bloggers! I’ve been asked the following questions and then it will be my turn to nominate others and ask them some questions of my own.”

This is my first award on WordPress! I am excited would be an understatement…I’m ecstatic! I’d like to thank *clears throat into microphone* I am 1 in 10 for kindly nominating me for this award. When I started this blog it was originally set to private and I am glad I convinced myself to go public. Its people like the lovely  I am 1 in 10 who make me want to write publicly and (to my surprise) on a global scale. It’s amazing to think that I am here my little rural/coastal town on the east coast of Australia writing for me and that my posts are being read all around the world. I love following posts from people in similar stages of life/health with similar interests/hobbies all over the world.

I may not have many followers (yet…here’s hoping) but those of you who have been kind enough to follow, like, comment and support me in this new world of blogging, I will be forever grateful. The writing community here has helped me be more confident in my writing and within myself. I have always wanted to write but was always scared of what people would think, which I why I chose to stay anonymous on here. I have gained confidence here that I am pretty sure shows in my day to day life. I have struggled with health issues and being overweight since my teens and it finally feels like I am getting somewhere and I owe alot of that to the WordPress community.

I hope to continue to write about my life, topics near and dear to me and maybe even one day some fiction…so stay tuned and find out!

So in accepting the Liebster award, I have to answer a few questions from my fellow blogger  I am 1 in 10 , so here we go…!

1. When you created you blog, did you have a vision or inspiration on the direction your wanted your blog to go?

I had been wanting to write for years before I finally got the guts to actually do it. I had always wanted to write about life, well my life to be more specific. I wanted to be able to express what I was feeling without feeling judged by people who know me. I wanted to indulge in my creative side that I hadn’t seen since I was young. I had envisioned writing about the day-to-day struggle of a twenty-something lass and what my life had to offer anyone who actually took the time to read it. Although sometimes I can be vague in my posts, I feel that I am actually revealing more by not using names of people, places and specifics as such. I think because I am writing not only from the heart, but my head. I hope to continue writing about my life, my battle with weight loss and anxiety but also some fun topics like movies and tv series and maybe even one day some fiction…but we will see.

2. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?

I think I would pack a bag, get in my car and drive to a random destination. Or even more adventurous, get on a plane and spontaneously pick a destination and just explore. I am the type of person who plans (and thinks) way too much. So just to let go and do something unexpected without fear would be amazingly liberating

3.What’s your greatest achievement to date?

Now this is a hard one…it is probably graduating university. In 2010, I graduated university with a Bachelor of Business (Management) with a minor in Logistics and Operations. I had to pick the most broad subject there is, that can essentially point you in any direction in the business world. I used to see this negatively, like in a way that I gave myself too many options and that I didn’t know where I wanted to go and what I wanted to be. When I think back, I actually think it suited me down to a tee and allowed me to understand just how much what I studied is relevant to my life, how I think and react in certain situations. With a background in Business I have ventured into different industries (customer service, retail, banking, transport and logistics and most recently, security) and am starting to get closer to my niche. I have slowly started to climb up the ranks with each new industry and each new job. I hope one day to own my own business, but just have not figured out what that is yet…but I will…one day

4. Do you need to see things before you believe them?

Not necessarily. Literally… yes I do, because I am as blind as a bat and can only see a foot in front of me without my glasses, but figuratively not so much. I have a wild imagination and believe it is the key to keeping you sane in today’s crazy world. There is nothing wrong in believing in the impossible, the impracticable, the magical and the wonderful. I wouldn’t say I am religious but to some extent you do have to have a little faith. For all we know Santa, unicorns and aliens could really exist. The possibilities are endless when it comes to your imagination and there is absolutely….NOTHING…wrong with that!

5. Do you have any questions you are scared to ask yourself?

I suppose a few come to mind…Why do you do this to yourself, why can’t you put on a brave face and pretend to be okay once in a while and why do you know deep down you can do this, but f@#k it up EVERY TIME… They are questions I have trying to work on and inevitably give myself answers and resolutions to, but for the moment its work-in-progress.

6.  If you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say in 30 seconds?

Stop…look around…see the world for what it really is…a bunch of people, animals, plants and “things” living in one place. Stop giving into greed and hate, learn to live, laugh and love. We are not only destroying others, we are destroying the world we live in and ultimately ourselves. If you do have to fight, do it for a BLOODY good reason, not just because. We only have one life and make the most of it. You cannot fail if you try and try again

7. When did you last push the boundaries of your comfort zone?

I suppose when I took this job just over a year ago. Back then I knew I would be officially managing people (men) who could be the same age if not older in an industry I knew nothing about. I took a lower salary to get out of my stressful job at the time. I took a big risk going into the unknown and in a way I guess I still am…taking the risk that is. Every day I am a little less out of my comfort zone. I learn a little more, I become a little more confident in telling people what to do and dealing with that horrible word…c.o.n.f.r.o.n.t.a.t.i.on.

So now I get to pass this on….and the Liebster Award nominees are:

Nick’s Notions

Life and Other Disasters

Young & Twenty

Hideaway Girl

If Mermaids Wore Suspenders

Life…At Any Size

Now here are my questions for the nominees…

  1. What is the most “you” thing about you?
  2. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
  3. What is the best piece of advice you would give your teenaged/adult self?
  4. What would you do to “Pay it Forward”?
  5. Do you think you could survive the apocalypse?
  6. Coke or Pepsi?
  7. You ultimate night in would be?
  8. What do you feel you are missing in your life?
  9. Is there are certain smell or taste that brings back memories?
  10. What would you most like to blog about, but haven’t got around to yet?

If you accept this award, answer my questions, tag some fellow bloggers you enjoy following and submit some questions of your own.

Thank you for all your support and reading my blog

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Spontaneous Saturdays

To be fair, I have to start my Saturday story with a Friday story, otherwise it’s not really anything to go by.

My weekend started about 5:30pm (ish), when I finished work and made my way home. I came through the back door and was greeted by a pair of cute little brown eyes and a lovely golden coat….my fur baby. I gave my dog a cuddle and let her outside for some “yard time” (gee that makes me sound like she lives in a prison!).  When I saw the state my house was in at the end of the week, I was actually quite impressed that my fiancΓ© and I had managed to keep the house fairly tidy throughout our busy week. Believe my when I say that I have spent years trying to instill some domesticated wisdom into my future husband so I didn’t have to spend my whole Saturday cleaning the house, along with other routine domestic duties. Don’t get me wrong, I actually do like cleaning (as stupid as it sounds). It’s like part of my weekly routine. It helps me wind down at the end of the week, forget about my worries and ultimately I think it helps me deal with my anxiety.

Anyway, I managed to clean the whole house (minus the washing, but thankfully there was only three loads) before 9pm, which was amazing and considering I also spent like 45 minutes on the phone to an old friend from High School, I hadn’t seen since I was 19 and had hardly spoken to over the years. More so because of the fact that we were both busy and lived a fair distance away from each other, but still we picked up where we left off as easily and had a great chat about her moving back in about 6 weeks! Besides the call and the cleaning, my weekend forcast was clear and sunny with a chance of relaxation.

I ended up reading my beloved FanFiction until about 2:30am, which wasn’t the best way to start a weekend , given the fact I was extremely tired when I finally woke and couldn’t actually get a sleep in like I’d hoped. I managed to drag myself out of bed and showered before 9am. I always said to myself, “if you haven’t started your day by 9am, you have wasted half the day, whether it’s the weekend or not”. After I had breakfast, did some paperwork, banking and paid a few bills online, I decided to make a list and head into town.

My trip into town was relaxing, well as much as it can be on a Saturday morning with all of the weekend drivers out and about. I swear my road rage increases on a weekend. Just because people can be “leisurely” on a weekend doesn’t mean they want to spend their weekend in traffic or being behind a REALLY slow and uncoordinated driver. I sung along to my music and within about 25min I had arrived at my first destination, Bunnings (a hardware warehouse). I looked at my list and challenged myself to be in and out within 10 minutes. I was a girl on a mission  and wanted to make the most of my weekend, without wasting unneccasy time in a hardware store. I’m pretty sure I stuck to my mission and managed to get some things to fix the fly screen on my windows, some ear plugs (for reading until the cool ones I bought from the UK arrive) and an extension cord/cable clips for our new air conditioner in the lounge room. Okay so it’s not “new” but it works and will make do until we actually by a place of our own. Next stop Big W (department store).

This mission was even quicker I think, okay well maybe the same (10 minutes). I went in and bought another pair of cordless hair clippers because my other half got the shits with our corded pair and threw them in the bin, when I’m pretty sure they got caught in his beard. He does have a beard trimmer but he lets it grow wild and the complains when it gets hard to trim and takes longer to maintain, but that is men for you, isn’t it? I did see this like beard trimming bib you suction to your mirror so it catches all of the hair, on the internet the other week and am seriously contemplating buying him one…it will save my white vanity becoming littered with beard trimmings and a clogged drain. A quick stop at the chemist to pick up a prescription and I was back at the car for what I thought was the last part of my journey.

I was on my way to the other major shopping centre in town to get a massage when my phone rang. I answered the call on my car Bluetooth (it’s so handy, no pun intended) and it was my mother. She wanted to catch up for lunch after my massage, but it’s never just lunch with my mum…it nearly always includes…shopping. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate shopping, I am female after all, but I don’t usually look at shops for no reason. I go in with a purpose of buying something that I really need or just because I feel like it, but it’s usually a planned trip.  The more efficient and cost effective the better, but when it comes to my mother we could be in there for days! Anyway we had planned to meet after my massage. 

I got to this little Chinese Massage parlour in the middle of the shopping centre. It’s brilliant and not too badly priced either. I selected the Whole Body (without feet) package, as my ankle is still swollen, tender and strapped up for support. Although I spent most of the massage experience eliciting as many facial cringes and expressions as I could without producing verbal sounds or pain and discomfort, I actually felt much better afterwards. You see Chinese massage is very…how do I put this…aggressive?? They seriously know what they are doing but although you feel fantistic (sorry inside joke) afterwards there is certainly an amount of pain that you have to endure to get that end result. Did I tell you I have bruises today?  It took me like half an hour to fully wake up after that massage. I had to mentally slap myself numerous times to get a grip on myself otherwise people in the shopping centre would have thought I was mad if I was actually slapping myself.

I met my Mum for lunch at a coffee shop, we had corn and zucchini fritters with rocket and relish and shared a bowl of chips. I had a strawberry thickshake on soy (milk protein intolerance, long story) and I think Mum had a pot of tea. We talked bout the normal mother daughter stuff and as usual I interjected in parts to change the subject. My relationship with my mother is touchy to say the least. I love her to bits but she can be a bit overwhelming at times (okay most of the time) and she pushes my buttons without realising and wonders why I get snappy. I don’t think she realises that we are very similar and that the reason why we clash. 

After lunch she dragged me to a few clothes shops, with me literally trailing behind as I couldn’t keep up with my foot. She kept asking me why I was so slow until I gave her a look that said everything and she apologised and looked at my ankle. I ended up buying three nice tops and we went and had a look at a jeweller (where I bought a new silver ear cuff for only $5) and in one of those costume jewellery shops (where Mum bought me a long gold pineapple necklace). Two things here you need to know about me, one, I love ear cuffs, but cannot get my helix pierced, because of the shape of my ears (I look like an elf out of Lord of the Rings, the nice elf ears, well I hope) and two, I am utterly obsessed with random pineapple-related things (lamps, jewellery, mousepads, lip balm, Tim Tams and generally anything pineapple flavoured). Pineapples make me happy. They are bright and sweet and are the international symbol of hospitality. There is also a quote I love that is pineapple themed, “be a pineapple, stand tall, rough on the outside, sweet on the inside and wears a crown”.

Okay so enough with the pineapples, and the shopping. I thanked Mum for the lovely afternoon and said our goodbyes. I was halfway home when I realised that Mum had distracted me so much (despite the fact I told her I had go go before I left town) I’d almost forgot that I needed to get a few groceries before heading home. Luckily there is a Supermarket down the road from my house and I managed to get there before they closed. I finally got home about 4:30pm, where I packed away the days’ buys and settled down with a book (okay I lied, it was FanFiction, can’t help it’s addictive) while I waited for hubby (to be) to be to get home from work (he has been so busy running his landscaping/gardening business that he has had to work most weekends of late). When he had arrived we decided to order Thai for dinner. Vegetable spring rolls with plum sauce (even though the sauce was clear) for entree, Chicken Pad Thai (with no tofu/shrimp) for me and Beef Hokkein Noodles for him. After dinner we hung out (by this I mean he slept on the couch and I read) in the air conditioned lounge room for a bit, then realised I was pretty tired and I went to bed.

After a shocking night’s sleep, I woke up at 9am, read, had breakfast before writing this post. It’s now nearly 2pm and I’m still in my pyjamas so, I’d better stop procrastinating and go have a shower and get dressed. As much as I’d love to continue writing, my iPad is extremely slow and lagging as I type so it’s taken me almost two and a half hours to write this post. Talk about being annoyed with technology. Anyway enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

Everybody has secrets…

I guess that sounds like a bad thing then? It’s not always the case. Secrets and lying are two very different things. A secret is something about yourself you don’t tell anyone, you have never had to lie about something that no one knows. A lie is an excuse about something you don’t want other people to know but you have been backed into a corner, practically forcing you to tell the truth or worse, feel the need to hide from it.

Here I am, 10:39PM, dealing with one of my secrets. It’s not bad, I’m not lying to anyone. I am just doing what I think is best for myself at the time. I don’t believe anyone can truely know you, like really know you. Like everything about you, know you. And you know what? That is okay. Sometimes the only person you can confide in is you. Sometimes the only truth you hide is the one you can’t bare to speak to anyone but yourself.

Everybody and I mean everybody has something to hide, but that doesn’t mean it’s all bad. Sometimes it’s our secrets that allow us to be who we really are. These secrets can make or break you. These secrets can make you scared or confident. They can make you happy or sad. 

Only you can decide if it’s worth confiding in someone. But it’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s all up to you really. For instance there is only one person I know who knows/reads (maybe read just once) this blog, because it’s a secret. I mean my fiancΓ© knows  writing a blog, but he doesn’t know where to find it or what it’s about. To be honest he hates it. He thinks I’m spilling details of my relationship to the world, but I’m not.

This blog is a secret because it helps me deal with my anxiety. It helps me be more confident and helps me grow in ways I never thought were possible. The biggest thing it does, is lets me be, well…me. If people don’t know you, I mean really know you, they can’t judge you in a way that makes you feel ashamed or unappreciated. You can shrug off a person judging your character when you don’t know them and they don’t know you. You can also learn from them, learn from others. The more positive side of things.

We all have secrets and some are worth keeping. Worth keeping just for you.

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰

The Girl in the Green Shoes

OMG 10 followers

I know I shouldn’t be WordPressing at work but IT is fixing my computer and I thought I’d take a mini break while that’s happing.


OMG 10 followers. Thank you everyone. I know it may not seem like a big deal but to me it is. When I started this blog it was set as private and no one was ever meant to see it. I’m glad I changed my mind and made it public.

Everyone in this little blogging community is so nice and supportive and surprisingly I seem to have a lot in common with you all

Thanks again. I hope to blog later today but I just had to post this proud moment for me

Stay awesome πŸ˜‰
The Girl in the Green Shoes